Monday, July 7, 2008

it's probably too late/early in the day to be this candid, but i'll share with you anyway

So I got into a work zone, but I still didn't finish everything. And I'm still awake. And I'm trying to send some of the files off, but they are apparently massive and won't send so I'm annoyed, but possibly too tired to try again right now.

In other thoughts, I was thinking about how sometimes I just jabber away and I do all this talking, but sometimes end up not saying what I really want to say, or say some convoluted version of what I want to say, or say what I want to say, but then get nervous about the person I'm talking to's reaction and somehow manage to turn everything all around so the person has no idea about what is actually true. This happens a lot when I can't tell what the person I'm with is thinking. And when I've had a little too much to drink. This also occurs with doing as well as saying. Like my gut reaction is to do a certain thing, but I hesitate, because I'm not totally certain of the situation or the person I'm with. Is this a bad thing? I'm not sure, because people say look before you leap, but also carpe diem... I think I'll try to stop hesitating. But sometimes I just freeze up. I don't think anyone can tell though, because I'll seem to be behaving perfectly naturally, but it's automatic and on the inside I'm all shit shit shit just do what you want to do or say what you want to say! But I'm frozen.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

i think u just described something pretty much everyone goes through but no one likes to admit.
I have always found it easiest to just blab away until everything makes sense again. trust in yourself and the other person enough that they will care to work through it with you until u have actually said what you meant. Of course, some people arent all that patient. so maybe im giving shitty advice...
-mike

Yumi Lover said...

I think it mostly happens with people I don't know very well so... yeah.